Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
