I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just gargled with NyQuil
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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