shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
