There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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