Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
