I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
