So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
