shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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