Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
