ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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