you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
