She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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