she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
