so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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