Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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