Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
