My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
