he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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