I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
40s are totally the cure
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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