It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
