yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
