You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
