just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
