I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
is it fun? or sober?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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