Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
