I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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