There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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