remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
