Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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