His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
