very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
