Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
