how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
