I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
