Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
