I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
