he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
