Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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