Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
