chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
