Is it normal to miss your booty call?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
