It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
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This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize