I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
As shirtless as possible
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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