Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
