why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
