we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
