you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
