we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
