i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
