wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
