I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
