How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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