I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
