I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
