my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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