I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
