New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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