connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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