Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
