why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
