Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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