the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
