Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
