She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
