margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
