You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
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I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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