I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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