he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
