got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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