Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
