Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
