I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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