3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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