Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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