I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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